Thursday, July 2, 2009

Sometimes I feel like a mom

I remember when I started 5th grade and I thought, "Hmmm. Strange. I don't feel any older or different than 4th grade. Bummer." (Well, I probably threw in "rad", "awesome", and "gag me with a spoon").

Most of the time, I just feel like me and have to stand back to fully realize that I'm really a mom.

Last night, when Macy wet the bed, I put her in a warm bath, washed her up, changed her sheets and tucked her in. Do you remember that feeling? Clean and tucked? The best. I felt like a mom. I felt like I'd given her a little present, a little relief. I didn't even mind that it was 1:00am and I hadn't been to bed yet. I loved her and she numbly dozed through most of it. But, she was clean and tucked with a smile on her face.

Last night, when Reily wet the bed. (True. Same night. New rule: no more cups upstairs. Too many refills) I went through the same process. I knew the outcome would be the same and I actually found myself enjoying this rare little moment of peace, quiet, and cleanliness. I tucked her in and went to bed. She came in 2 minutes later (as she always does) and asked, "Can I sleep in your bed with you?" (as she always does) and we curled up and slept (as we always do). I felt like a mom.

Tonight, when Taylor started talking in her sleep, I ran into her room to be a part of the conversation. I didn't make it in time to figure out what she was really saying. She said, "[She] was just trying to say the sandwich thing real fast". I couldn't help but laugh. She woke up a little more and realized what had happened, pushed me away, and told me to leave her alone. Ok, I felt more like a big sister than a mom. But, when she told me to leave her alone...I think I felt it.

Today, when I took the dog back to the adoption place because he bit Reily. I did not feel like a GOOD mom. But, I was a mom; protecting one and making them all sad. I was a mom and a creep.

4 comments:

KayKayBe said...

I hate the meanie Mom feeling, where they're all looking at you like- you really are going to tear are hearts out and make us...fold laundry, vacuum, insert un-fun thing. The one I do on a regular basis is "let's go swimming. No, nevermind." We mentioned swimming last night, and they wouldn't let it go. But it was fun. Jonas figured out how to use swim with a floatie, so he was dog paddling all over. The smile on his face was amazing. It made me so happy for him. Until he tipped forward and couldn't right himself. He's not dehydrated, though. I'm sure of that.

erin 'n phil said...

I loved this post. So sweet. and I remember you pestering me in my sleep, when I was little.

you're a great mom. I hope you know that.

Angie said...

a bad mom would have kept the dog... you are a great mom and they will eventually realize it was a good decision, maybe not in the near future but someday they will!

John & Susie said...

I am totally on the side of wise mom vs mean mom. Kids don't need more friends, they need parents. I think you are doing great.